One day last week, Lizzie fell asleep in the car and Tommy's little voice from the backseat said, "Mom, I have something in me that I am burning to tell you." I told him that he can always tell me anything and he squirmed around and then blurted out that his friend had said the f word.
I was really happy that I wasn't facing him so he couldn't see me smiling.
I asked him about the context in which he used it, and I confirmed that Tommy doesn't say the word ("NO! I NEVER do!") and then he said, "Well, after I told him it's not appropriate and he shouldn't say it, XYZ said it's just a word and it's not a big deal. [pause] And mom, he's right. It's just a word. Right?"
I explained that it's a very disrespectful word and that he wants people to think highly of him, and not think that he isn't polite and respectful, and he seemed to understand. Then, he said, "but sometimes I just would really like to say it!" So I said, "Well, it's just you and me right now, even Lizzie's asleep, so now would be an okay time for you to say it if you want to." And he did. He whispered it and then announced that he felt much better. I promised that he could say it if it was just the two of us and he talked to me about it before.
***
On Saturday, he went on a playdate with a friend who is allowed to play a lot more video games than Tommy is, and one of them was violent and scared Tommy (who went and told the mother that the boys were playing 'inappropriate' video games). He was fairly traumatized and kept telling me it was horrible and I just couldn't imagine it. We talked about putting the memories into a bubble and letting them float off into the air. I had no idea if this is a strategy that works, but another mom told me about it a while ago and I figured it was worth a try. The next morning, he came into our room at four and told us that he dreamed I was ripping off his arms.
I was really happy that I wasn't facing him so he couldn't see me smiling.
I asked him about the context in which he used it, and I confirmed that Tommy doesn't say the word ("NO! I NEVER do!") and then he said, "Well, after I told him it's not appropriate and he shouldn't say it, XYZ said it's just a word and it's not a big deal. [pause] And mom, he's right. It's just a word. Right?"
I explained that it's a very disrespectful word and that he wants people to think highly of him, and not think that he isn't polite and respectful, and he seemed to understand. Then, he said, "but sometimes I just would really like to say it!" So I said, "Well, it's just you and me right now, even Lizzie's asleep, so now would be an okay time for you to say it if you want to." And he did. He whispered it and then announced that he felt much better. I promised that he could say it if it was just the two of us and he talked to me about it before.
***
On Saturday, he went on a playdate with a friend who is allowed to play a lot more video games than Tommy is, and one of them was violent and scared Tommy (who went and told the mother that the boys were playing 'inappropriate' video games). He was fairly traumatized and kept telling me it was horrible and I just couldn't imagine it. We talked about putting the memories into a bubble and letting them float off into the air. I had no idea if this is a strategy that works, but another mom told me about it a while ago and I figured it was worth a try. The next morning, he came into our room at four and told us that he dreamed I was ripping off his arms.
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