Tommy has a new friend who has his own iPad (and iPhone) and is allowed to play it whenever he wants, pretty much. Of course this has led to a difficult parenting situation. Tommy has been allowed screen time (television, iPad) on weekends only since I quit working in DC when he was two. (Before I stopped working, he watched Sesame Street while I showered each morning because before we instituted that system, I peeked out of the shower one morning and saw him running past the bathroom door while carrying a lightbulb. It took me about two seconds to realize I had to jump out and get it from him, and during those seconds, I decided that ten minutes of Sesame Street each day wasn't going to kill him and indeed, it was on Sesame Street that he learned the word 'stumble' which he immediately added to his vocabulary and used appropriately and often.)
And until this summer, when he was introduced to Minecraft by his cousins, we were rolling along just fine with our screen time limits. He and his sister loved the weekends because they could watch some TV and play some iPad, and I felt virtuous as I watched them play Lego and kitties and babies and do puzzles and art projects all week long (and plenty of time on the weekend as well).
But WOW does my kid love Minecraft. And his new friend has introduced him to another game that he loves as well, called Terreria. You guys, I can't even operate these games (remember, I'm not even on Facebook). All I do is go onto Common Sense Media and read what other parents have to say, and then ask Eli to check out the games (thank God for Eli, yet again). And the reviews are quite confusing: one mother wrote that her child built a calculator in Minecraft. What? How? All I hear about are diamond swords and other weapons. But hey, building a calculator sounds good to me. Maybe this afternoon when he's having iPad time, I'll casually suggest that he lay off the weapon building (finding? earning?) and create a calculator or a fighter jet. Will he laugh at me? (Probably not, because he's sweet.)
So back to my parenting dilemma. Tommy doesn't understand why his friend lucked out (both with his own iPad, and with parents who are generous with screen time), and I am unwilling to change my views on screen time despite knowing many lovely children including Tommy's new friend for whom fairly unlimited screen time seems to have no ill-effect. (However, while Eli and I were still working on these rules, I read this article which reinforced my resolve.) I am perfectly aware that we need to be mindful of the possibility of creating a person who, when he goes away to college, skips all his classes so he can spent all day playing video games. Some balance seems essential here. But, Tommy has long days at school (8:30-3:30, but he's not home until 4:30), and on two days, he has ultra-long days - on Wednesdays we don't get home until 7pm after soccer practice. Frankly, given the fact that he has to read and do homework every night, there's not much time for screens during the week. And while I suppose I could let them play iPad in the car, they are content to read the books that I rotate in and out of the backseat so why would I replace reading time with iPads?? That just seems crazy, doesn't it?
For the moment, we are allowing iPads in the morning after Tommy has eaten breakfast, packed his backpack, brushed his teeth, dressed himself and cleared his breakfast dishes (and finished his homework the night before). This equals about 20 minutes of iPad time in the morning, and I think we are all somewhat comfortable with this system, for now. (Of course, it creates the problem of his sister, who also requires iPad time if Tommy gets it, and who is just four and less able to detach from the iPad when I announce that it is time to get in the car.) As with every aspect of parenting, I am sure this will evolve.
A couple of days ago, my friend Amy sent this article to me, and it made me feel better. READ IT if you feel in any way like I do about screen time. It's comforting. Good luck, my friends.
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